Mistake(s)

So when I wrote this post here one reader commented and and asked me, ‘kwani there are no dolls that move from medium to small ama small to smallest’And I realized I hadn’t highlighted those experiences or people in my post. Well, yes truth is there are such movements….for sure!  I look at it in two ways:

Evolution

As I’ve grown, moved, gone here and there, there was a shift in how much time I will spend with some people. So invariably some people assume a lesser role i.e. those that just move along by natural selection – either time, or shifting schedules, or interests have made us drift apart until they are not a part of my life. So for these folks who become smaller dolls, it just happens naturally without any active involvement – just nature doin it’s thing

And then there are……

Mistakes!!

Wolololo! These range from the random person I met on fb,gaydar,grindr, *whichever media allows you to present yourself as YOU AREN’T* and actually hooked up later for a drink….and the stories just weren’t ‘ingianaring’ and I don’t mean that in a chips funga sense – I mean it in a we just didn’t click sense.

Then there are those who we met up and even a drink wasn’t had – it’s just those ones of ‘oh no’ hapana, digehota, abort! abort! etc etc etc – flee like Joseph from the Bible

Finally there are those I met up in the club, some of the clubs I’ve been at I’ve talked of here. I recently met one of the people that fall in this group (like after a year) still at a similar said club *hides*. Let’s just say that my throat and head was sufficiently soaked in liquor that night. But even through my very colourful and inebriated haze I was like aiiiiiiiiii but Wyndown WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!

I literally had to use number blocking software for the first time ever!

So yeah I have had my fair share of dolls moving in the opposite direction – I just call them mistakes.

And to think as I’ve so articulately categorized my mistakes (and evolved status) here, I am sure  that for someone somewhere I am their mistake! ….sigh such is the circle of life I guess….

#ThatisAll

There are days I feel like this………

and I just feel like…..

Not this kind

I have days for those as well! (Just to be clear) just not today

But rather this kind

or this one

Today is one such day

#ThatisAll

Nested Dolls

Sooo I’ve always found nested dolls fascinating, I mean how do they just fit so perfectly? That’s the same fascination I’ve got with Lego’s, those little thingies can come together very neatly to form some mega structures!

The other reason I’ve always admired those things is because I cannot for the love of (* insert appropriate deity) get myself to be that neat in my physical life. I cannot fold clothes, arrange a desk or just have my things in a neat order. I like thinking of my self as more of a ‘generalist’ as far as neatness goes…….as long as I generally know where stuff is I’m good! And as long as there is a general semblance of order, I’m good – besides having too much order feels sanitized – like you can’t relax and just be free (yaani kujiachilia)

However this generality ends at my my physical surroundings. Once it gets to my emotions, relationships, escapades, flings, one night(sometimes day) stands, friends with benefits – I apply aeronautical precision in ordering and separating things as and when they happen. …..at least i used to

In the past year or so I’ve had many different interactions that have got me questioning my ability to compartmentalize stuff. Lines are getting blurry and my dolls aren’t as neat as they used to be! Hmmm what to do, what to do – I’ve met amazingly ‘interesting’ people in all senses of the word mpaka I’m like – eish this one needs to move from doll size small to medium, then another who also has moved to doll size to medium to large. I actually want an increased role/space for them in my life. Where previously I had mainly NSA make out/sex I’ve found some people that make me go….

“Alar!…. na kumbe this chap isn’t that bad company even when we aren’t making out!”

Mpaka I’ve even crossed the line to actually take interest in other aspects of their lives other than – what colour boxers they are putting on! Yaani even the ones of being willing to spend time knowing very well it will not end in making out. For me, That’s odd, that’s different, in a kind of  ”socks in the underwear drawer – and interestingly I’m like hmmmmmm maybe socks can stay in the underwear drawer.

Of shaving

So the other day I was in the shower doing my thing (I mean showering and not that other thing you are thinking!). It was a typical daily shower, quick and mundane. I have this routine of showering it’s: head chest, rest of body. During the rest of body bit i take time to focus on my nether regions –  I make sure my nuts are really clean and huko between the legs. I reason that because these areas get hot and are covered the whole day so sweat is going to accumulate and this is the one time -daily- that they can get some TLC!
So while giving them TLC the other day i noticed that I’ve become rather bushy! The the amount of lather was mob down there! That’s when I started thinking back to the last time I shaved and I realized it’s been a whiiiiile! I quickly ran a cross analysis (yes i’ve bn watching too many detective series) against the last time I ‘got some’ and that has also been a whiiiiiile!

So there it is, I have discovered that there is a direct relationship between  my nether regions bushiness and my getting some NOT getting some. I’ll need to re evaluate my priorities……I should be doing this for me right? Or maybe I AM doing this for me by ensuring things ‘are in check’ down there to maximize our mutual pleasure right?
Well either way, one thing for sure I know Im looking forward to the next time I’m shaved – things have been rather dry, scarce, unkempt, lately…

About Porn……

I have been thinking about porn recently…..well when I say recently it’s not like I just discovered porn or started appreciating watching porn. It’s just that I was thinking about Porn….things like:

The views around Porn:

• The Church/Moralist view – It is wrong because it takes advantage of others, plants ideas in your head, doesn’t portraying sex in the way God meant it to be had i.e. between two people. Their gripe over porn is that it easily gets you to pleasure yourself and that’s a bad thing

• The dude view – #mwanaume ni ku-ji-sort and porn is a necessary visual aid to for the process

• The liberal view – It should be encouraged as people gratifying themselves in the way they deem works best for them. Also it is a willing buyer willing seller sort of thing. If you don’t want to view/participate then don’t. If you do (and you are over 18) then by all means do!

• The artistic view – It is an expression of the human art form in it’s most basic and intimate act. It brings together two people one or more people exploring their most basic human instinct (Ask Freud, he concurs). This is kinda like the early days of greek art.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And btw if you thought  you were quite the acrobat and creative lover – well kumbe these things were being done way way way way back – just type greek erotic art in your browser window and you’ll be schooled! I was

Then there are the interesting behaviours or interactions surrounding porn, like:

Purchasing/Acquiring porn

When I want to get porn there are various options but ultimately what I need is discretion. It’s not like I can walk to the local movie place where they sell movies for 50 bob and go like Uko na porno gani kali kali? So the options are…..

Download- this is convenient though the selection can be limited (unless you can pay online). Also you’ve got to have your own dedicated computer and internet – where you are sure no one else will accidentally bump into your internet history or downloaded files!

Buy off the street – well this type of purchase I find particularly interesting. It normally goes something like this:

Me walking down the street  with many stalls in tao kama hapo hivyo ambassadeour ama Ronald Ngala Street. I quickly scan the stall that has movies and scan the person selling the movies. If it’s a chick -No GO! If it’s a dude, then I can approach

Me: (casually flip through the movie selection) Sasa una movies gani poa?

Movie dude: He goes through a list of movies that i feign interest in.

Me: Gani ingine?

Movie dude: Continues with list and then he goes like ‘na pia niko na…….’

Me: Ebu nichecki (as he hands them to me clandestinely like drugs do the exchange in movies). I make a selection. He puts it in a plastic bag. I stuff it to the deepest section of my bag and move along swiftly.

Get from someone – I’m of the opinion that all dudes have porn somewhere! Really unless you are asexual then you probably have something stashed away for a ‘rainy day’. However despite that I find I am totally unable to bring it up with my friends. So I know other guys can get and exchange porn but I’m stuck in that sector. I just feel like I will be announcing ‘Ok I need to jerk off to something fresh and new’ anybody got something I can borrow?

Then there is the awkardness of where to store/keep porn.

This depends on your housing status. If you live with your parents – privacy levels differ from parent to parent – so to some you can just leave it in a drawer in your room and to others you need to keep it further…….

If you live with someone then you’ve got to be clear about where they stand on pornography and store it accordingly since you are sharing a living space and need to have some common courtesy. This applies whether the person is a room mate or a partner.

If you live on your own then hey – carte blanche!

Finally the issue of porn on your phone/gadget -

There are the people who always ask to see your phone. Now, if you asked to see my phone and go snooping in there then don’t get all OMG on me for what I’ve got on my phone! It is my phone for my use. So if you borrow the phone, check out whatever you wanted to and if you come across something else then…….smile politely, enjoy if you want to but let’s leave it there!

My take and view on porn is more of the liberal one – consenting adults, willing buyer willing seller and it is a necessary visual aid kwa mwanaume aji sort

Firsts, getting hit on….I think?

So my work typically involves a couple of meetings, presentations and such a like gatherings of people in one room discussing something or the other. So I’m at this meeting and it’s full of professional type folks – it was kind of a big deal for my boss so I spent my time running up and down just to make sure everything goes smoothly.

As one particular dude presented (Let’s call him Prof Robert) I couldn’t help but notice that there was something about him. It was in his mannerisms, he was very articulate and precise even with his diction and examples. He had some sort of mannerism that showed he was comfortable with expressing himself. Still, I couldn’t quite make out if it was because he was an academic and he just valued precision kinda like a lecturer or if it was because he plays for team ‘happy’. Anyway I didn’t give it a second thought because I was all over the place.

So things went well and we finally got to lunch – my favourite part of meetings It was one of those nice buffet spreads with soups, salad, main course and dessert. I was seated at the same table with Prof Robert and we had the main course and we (he and I) left at about the same time to go serve dessert. And as I’m looking through the offering I paused for a moment oogling at this rich dark chocolate fudge cake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the convo goes something like this

Me: Ooooh that piece of cake looks very rich

Prof: Yes it does, but you go for it – this doesn’t happen everyday

Me: I’m thinking I’ll just go with the fruit salad

Prof: Oh, If I had a nice figure like yours I’d be able to serve that cake

Me: in my head Ati???!!!!!! WTF! Did he just compliment me? On the outside: *laughs sheepishly, and darts a quick glance at prof* he has like a ka-knowing/cheeky smile as he looks at me then serves dessert. I fumble as I quickly serve the chocolate and some fruit and head back to the table

So, I am confused and a little flattered at the same time because…..

1. Confused – Is my gaydar misleading me again – lakini yenyewe that comment was quite direct sindio?
2. Flattered – I got a dude at a club after a couple of drinks a work function in the middle of the day to notice and compliment me plus hit on me
3. Confused – As in do I give out that much vibe that I’m happy? Like reliving my bubble post all over again.  Or was he just taking his chances?
4. Flattered – Wonder who else has ever noticed and hasn’t said a word…..hmmmmmmmm – ama I’m getting ahead of myself with this

Either way this is a new first for me

Lol, just thought that this video comes a lil close to my this experience

I need to get some!

Yaani I don’t know whats been happening to me of late. Like in the past two weeks or so, as I meet people I’m just noticing hot guys or checking them out as I meet them! You know and as I’m saying hi or sitting across them in a meeting, coffee table, bar counter, in the bus, I’m literally undressing them!
As in literally I’m picturing us making out there and then!

So it goes something like this:

3rd Party: Wyndown meet *Steve (*insert whatever name you fancy)

Steve: Hi Wyndown nice to meet you

Me: On the outside, and very politely, Hi Steve nice to meet you too.

On the inside this is what is going on!

I have to make an effort to keep my face straight as I shake Steve’s hand so as not to betray what’s going on in my head.

In fact, as I try not to betray my inward thoughts, I find that I need to look down or look away so that even the gleam in my eye doesn’t betray me! And you know what makes it even more worrying? This is happening even at work!

So I’m leaving work meetings where I haven’t been the most productive because all through the meeting I was focused on something else ‘more important’ for me like this

Oh and I have tried ‘right hand therapy’ hasn’t been sufficient to try and ease this off lakini wapi – nuttin!

Maybe I’ll join a gym or something because at this rate I’m going to jump somebody and get locked up in jail! Wait maybe that won’t be a very bad thing – getting some won’t be a problem he he he Just not sure I’ll have much of a say in terms of my preference

Btw I came across actual tips for how to make out here  and they are very balanced tips i.e. tips if your partner is a gal or a dude

PS: pic courtesy of http://foervraengd.tumblr.com & http://psychotchi.deviantart.com