Mistake(s)

So when I wrote this post here one reader commented and and asked me, ‘kwani there are no dolls that move from medium to small ama small to smallest’And I realized I hadn’t highlighted those experiences or people in my post. Well, yes truth is there are such movements….for sure!  I look at it in two ways:

Evolution

As I’ve grown, moved, gone here and there, there was a shift in how much time I will spend with some people. So invariably some people assume a lesser role i.e. those that just move along by natural selection – either time, or shifting schedules, or interests have made us drift apart until they are not a part of my life. So for these folks who become smaller dolls, it just happens naturally without any active involvement – just nature doin it’s thing

And then there are……

Mistakes!!

Wolololo! These range from the random person I met on fb,gaydar,grindr, *whichever media allows you to present yourself as YOU AREN’T* and actually hooked up later for a drink….and the stories just weren’t ‘ingianaring’ and I don’t mean that in a chips funga sense – I mean it in a we just didn’t click sense.

Then there are those who we met up and even a drink wasn’t had – it’s just those ones of ‘oh no’ hapana, digehota, abort! abort! etc etc etc – flee like Joseph from the Bible

Finally there are those I met up in the club, some of the clubs I’ve been at I’ve talked of here. I recently met one of the people that fall in this group (like after a year) still at a similar said club *hides*. Let’s just say that my throat and head was sufficiently soaked in liquor that night. But even through my very colourful and inebriated haze I was like aiiiiiiiiii but Wyndown WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!

I literally had to use number blocking software for the first time ever!

So yeah I have had my fair share of dolls moving in the opposite direction – I just call them mistakes.

And to think as I’ve so articulately categorized my mistakes (and evolved status) here, I am sure  that for someone somewhere I am their mistake! ….sigh such is the circle of life I guess….

#ThatisAll

There are days I feel like this………

and I just feel like…..

Not this kind

I have days for those as well! (Just to be clear) just not today

But rather this kind

or this one

Today is one such day

#ThatisAll

Nested Dolls

Sooo I’ve always found nested dolls fascinating, I mean how do they just fit so perfectly? That’s the same fascination I’ve got with Lego’s, those little thingies can come together very neatly to form some mega structures!

The other reason I’ve always admired those things is because I cannot for the love of (* insert appropriate deity) get myself to be that neat in my physical life. I cannot fold clothes, arrange a desk or just have my things in a neat order. I like thinking of my self as more of a ‘generalist’ as far as neatness goes…….as long as I generally know where stuff is I’m good! And as long as there is a general semblance of order, I’m good – besides having too much order feels sanitized – like you can’t relax and just be free (yaani kujiachilia)

However this generality ends at my my physical surroundings. Once it gets to my emotions, relationships, escapades, flings, one night(sometimes day) stands, friends with benefits – I apply aeronautical precision in ordering and separating things as and when they happen. …..at least i used to

In the past year or so I’ve had many different interactions that have got me questioning my ability to compartmentalize stuff. Lines are getting blurry and my dolls aren’t as neat as they used to be! Hmmm what to do, what to do – I’ve met amazingly ‘interesting’ people in all senses of the word mpaka I’m like – eish this one needs to move from doll size small to medium, then another who also has moved to doll size to medium to large. I actually want an increased role/space for them in my life. Where previously I had mainly NSA make out/sex I’ve found some people that make me go….

“Alar!…. na kumbe this chap isn’t that bad company even when we aren’t making out!”

Mpaka I’ve even crossed the line to actually take interest in other aspects of their lives other than – what colour boxers they are putting on! Yaani even the ones of being willing to spend time knowing very well it will not end in making out. For me, That’s odd, that’s different, in a kind of  “socks in the underwear drawer – and interestingly I’m like hmmmmmm maybe socks can stay in the underwear drawer.