Porn Sex vs Real Sex

Difference in porn sex vs real sex explained with food

Lubricants….

So…………I know we are all different and have come from various backgrounds. This got me thinking about what experience is out there as far as lubricants are involved. Actually I first read about some lube education a while back thanks to @gaynairobiman. However I meet up – and talk – with all sorts of people and I’ve heard lots of different stories about lube. The list below covers those used for making out, masturbation, and sex. So on my list I’ve heard people who have used:

Natural body lubricants i.e. ensure partner is sufficiently aroused and ‘self lubricating ….if this is you – Good for you!

Other natural body lubricants (not from that area) i.e. Saliva

Massage Oil – These can get exotic with lots of flavours and effects to pick

Milking Salve – the stuff that’s used when milking cows…very effective moisturizer and lubricant (so I’m told)

Magarine…yeah not sure if Unilever and Bidco intended for this…. 

Cooking Oil – this ranges from solid like kasuku to liquid like sunflower oil, elianto, olive oil etc errm people with kitchen fetishes and fantasies I’m guessing this comes in handy

Soap….the one below lasts longer and longer!! and it’s from Unilever – I’m picking a trend here….

Shampoo…. so dove is also from Unilever!!! Now I must meet their marketing and brand manager for sure

Manufactured lubricant – akina KY jelly etc this is specifically safe for latex use. That means the lubricant doesn’t weaken the latex – read the label please to make sure the one you pick is latex safe. There are some interesting varieties out there. Take note  water based lubricants are the latex safe ones and suited for anal sex (thanks @gnm and @random for the feedback on this)

 

Water….. yes just plain water

Lotion

Vaseline – saved the best/most trusted/used for last. This is like old faithful has been with you every step of the way 🙂

If I’ve left something out, from your experience…..drop me a line and share

HIV testing …..emotions, stress and my two cents

Soooooo first off I must say that this post somehow mysteriously got ‘leaked’ while it was still a work in progress. Apologies for that. Now moving right along swiftly

Now something I find particularly necessary yet so anxiety gripping (either based on sexual history or ignorance or just the plain human nature of guilt n shame since Adam and eve) is a HIV test.

Thanks to my motor mouth n inquisitive nature I’ve actually checked on this with a couple of people and generally across the board this test elicits fear n anxiety.

There is someone I know who is a virgin and above 25(yes, true story) and they were also sweating bullets when they got their test done. My experience has been one of frustration, fear, guilt, shame, relief, invaded privacy, anger, all mixed together into one big ass lethal cocktail like a long island tea with a double of everything!

At this point I want to give my disclaimer and plug for healthy and positive living. In a nutshell that means – use a condom properly – pinch the tip, place on erect, roll down all the way, lube up with water based lubricant at frequent intervals especially if you are the gymnasitic-y, marathon-y type of peeps. If you are an injection drug user first, just stop that shit ain’t good for you! If you still working on stopping then don’t share needles! Ya mwisho if you are going to expose urself to someone else’s bodily fluids – use protection like gloves. Alafu if you din’t take any of the above precautions and u exposed urself basi try n get tested. Knowing ealry helps u take the above precautions OR live a positive life ie inform ur partner(s), eat right, get the right meds at the right time, right support structures etc etc. End of my plug/ public service announcement

Now having said that i have a couple of peeves I’ve got to put out there about the whole testing process, here goes:

Finding a VCT Centre – seriously these places are few n specialized. It’s not like u can find one along the way – you need to make ur way to one. So I now know to go to lvct, or Coptic along Ngong Road

Finding a VCT Centre that is open with a counsellor present – thats just hit and miss. I wish there was an app to find a list of the centres n operating time plus booking an appointment (jots down business idea, pap!)

Finding a VCT centre that has qualified staff and certified equipment – now here i don’t have an answer. But I’ve heard that this is a problem. There are a number of ill qualified and ill equipped testing places. Again this is something an app ama one of those sms services can help sort out (starts calling friends with IT skills, this is my ticket!)

The amount of information they will collect from you! – Like seriously they need a disclaimer for the amount of info they collect. Yaani they want:

• Name,
• Tel no,
• Do I drink alcohol,
• Have i ever felt guilty about drinking alcohol  me in my head *uhmmm yeah whenever I have a hangover but if I answer yes I get the sense I’ll be sent to the other room for more serious cases* on the outside No
• Then the guy goes on to, have u had sex with a commercial sex worker, injecting drug user or man who has sex with men…….. me in my head *uhmmmm again I’m thinking er here I’ll go with negative. Besides it’s my democratic right to …..etc etc*
• Then it’s like they sneak in a similar question further down it goes something like have u ever had anal sex? At this point I almost jump out of my seat and exclaim ‘kwani you’ve been following me?’ Si I said no the first time! Do I need a lawyer? However on the outside all I muster is a feeble ‘no’
• At this point all that’s ringing back in my head is DNA’s jam – maswali ya polisi

 

 

So we finally get to the testing bit and that is actually quite painless and quick. They prick your finger put the blood on the thingy, add the other thingys and now I wait for 5 mins.
Now the really hard part begins! Wacha I tell you there is no longer 5 minutes than those ones! The clock in the room is amplified like times 1000.

Then, life is for flashing by in that time both past and future! Past reliving each moment and possible exposure.

Future playing out what if scenarios what will nani say/ do?

Thats it for my peeves – my recommendation get a friend and go together…..I didn’t but I think I should have

Precision and airplane organization

So I have this friend who works with planes. He is  one of the guys that makes sure that the plane gets in the air safely, stays in the air safely for the desired amount of time aaaaannnnnnnnddddd gets back to land safely.

He isn’t a pilot but he’s the guy who checks that the plane has the capacity to do all these things before the pilot takes the plane.

He took me through how thorough their systems and checks are for everything from the damn wiper to the main engine.

And for everything on the plane there are clear standards and procedures to be followed to ensure the plane can function as it should. As my friend often tells me, once we’ve had a coupla drinks:

“unajua ndege si kama gari, ikikwama ikienda the effects are far more serious than gari kukwama because gari uta park tu kando”

So I mixed that insight plus my avid tv watching (n limited flight experience) and come to this conclusion…….airlines, air crafts, are extremely thorough and methodical in their organization and efficient use of resources.

Have you even seen the ka trolley they use to serve food in a plane? Ni kadogo! But things just seem to keep coming out of it!

 

 

I want my life to be like that thought out, organized and efficient……